You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
