i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
