you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
