He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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