You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
