According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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