I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
