I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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