I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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