do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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