I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
