I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
