What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
