I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
