The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
