yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
