All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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