just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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