Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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