after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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