I'm gonna have a badass scar
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
