Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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