Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
