I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
