I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
