The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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