saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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