ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
