Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
