escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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