It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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