I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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