we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
