Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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