Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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