You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
