There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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