Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
