I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
