Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
