I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
