The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
