I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
