omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
