Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
