Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
