how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
honey bunches of taint.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
a search helicopter?!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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