sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
