New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
