HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
