Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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