So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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