paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
