we have pet lesbian snakes
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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