My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I am available for nakedness
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
