You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
