A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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